When i was small, my ambition was to be a gynaecologist because i love babies! Padahal gynae is not always about handling babies anyway. Back then when you were quite young and you are still learning about life. That explains the mentality i guess.
I am from a neighbourhood school. Back then during my time, there used to be EM1/EM2/EM3 and my parents decide to choose EM1 since i was eligible for either 1 or 2 back then. Taking higher malay during primary school was a disaster. Keeping up with Mathematics was a disaster too. So once i reached primary 6, i went down to EM2 stream. My schoolmates laughed at me and made fun of me. Some actually appeared nice infront of you but behind you, they speak 101 ill things. Moving on, i made it to express stream and aimed to go to a secondary school far from home to begin a new social circle.
I made new friends and begin new life. Secondary school life was better. When it came to choosing of which subjects to take for GCE ‘O’s, it was my dad that decide. I ended up in triple science stream. Many people will go ‘wow, you’re smart’ but let me tell you, i am not because i am always second in class from the bottom. Get it? Get it? Especially in my Emaths and Amaths. My maths teacher will always scold me because i talked too much in class. Why? Because i am bubbly back then. One day, my teacher told me to drop my Amaths because i have always been failing and i am pulling the school reputation down. I refused to drop the subject and carry on but honestly, i gave up on Amaths. So i just took my O’s for the fun of it, i got a D7 after getting single digit mark throughout all my school test. The only school performance that i am good at was my CCA. I was from St John. I love going to CCA. It taught me many things from discipline to perseverance. I learned life saving skills and from there i know i want to be in healthcare line and be a nurse. Because it all started with a passion. My friends and teachers know i want to be a nurse. Some do pass remarks like you don’t have to score well for Os to get into Nursing. So i was somehow being looked down at but heck, i don’t bother. Prelim pointers doesnt even allow me to go anywhere, no hope but my O’s pointers allowed me to get to either JC/Polytechnic. I got my first choice, Nursing!
Polytechnic phase start. I have few secondary school friends in same course as me. People comment why you take this course when you can go other courses, you’re stupid to be doing this. I ignored. I made friends and study through the years. Polytechnic phase got better than secondary school. For once, i performed in school. I made my parents and grandparents proud.
Graduated and started my first full time career. Being the eldest, my parents pushed me. So of course, they asked me to further my study. I refused because i had my own plan. But it lead to my parents being unhappy, i finally agreed but on a condition, i am not going to further my study in NUS nursing because i have my own reasons. So i took under SIT-UOM. A newly build-up school organization. Something new and unrecognised. Managed to secure a place after interview and informed my senior supervisor but ended up getting being looked down at. Reason, i have zero experience in clinical ground so what makes me think i can perform theoretically for my assignments. That few months before school officially start, i received many setbacks. Cry buckets because i was torn between parents and supervisor. Satu cakap pergi, lagi satu cakap tak boleh. But i proceeded finally after huge setbacks. With my supervisor looking down at me, since the person said i can’t perform, i was determine to perform well.
Degree phase started and i swear i don’t like my degree days. My classmates were so competitive and lokek ilmu. I can only find a handful that are willing to help you sincerely. Ada pernah tolong abeh ungkit balik. Prrft! Baik jangan tolong. My english is my weakness. Grammar, vocab semua hancur berderai. Thankfully, we don’t have bell curve in our school system (one reason why i put the condition) so i just pushed myself through. Met beautiful people and at an unexpected age, i graduated with a certificate that i never see myself to have.
By the time i resume work again, i was the first among my friends to complete my school and start my career. Some of my old friends from primary-secondary-polytechnic phase eventually get to know my achievements and started to ask 101 questions because they find it unbelieveable for someone like me who was at the bottom before to be where i am now.
Those life lessons taught me that you will never be at the bottom always. You just need to know your strength and weakness. Use it to push yourself in life. Those people who looked down on you are people who have too many spare time. Biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat orang. Akhirnya, dengan kata-kata mereka yang pandang rendah kat aku, aku yang berjaya walaupun sekolah tak adalah prestigious sangat pun. You may have high IQ, but if you have low EQ, you can never go far too. That leads me to this…
As much as i started my career with a passion, i lose it along the way because of the people around it and the welfare. We have many high IQs healthcare professional in the line but i have come across those that do not even have any empathy at all towards us, the staffs and the clients. Our profession is full of humanity but heck, i don’t know where they put our welfare seriously. People compare where you graduate from, what are your status etc. I have seen how some dr can’t even do simple things (like talking politely or worse, never say excuse me but use a pen to push my friend aside just so he can have a space to walk, so rude) even when they are taking the most highly respectable course.
So if you ask me, will i choose nursing again if i have a choice? No, i wont. But then again, i am thankful i am equipped with certain knowledge and skills that are helpful for my personal use. Plus, dah tercatit rezekiku ialah sebagai seorang jururawat. At this young age, to achieve all that and see the meaning of life in different forms are blessings too. So i shouldn’t complain but be thankful. Because maybe someone out there was hoping to be a nurse but couldn’t even afford to attend school. We will never know.
Lastly, i hope people will stop comparing results and schools because you may have high grades and good qualification but you can’t perform well in life with others at work. Because i have feel it myself and heard it from other people too. A nursing ITE girl told me she love nursing, but she wasn’t smart enough to enter polytechnic so she took the longer route. Her GPA was damn good okay but people around her demoralise her down. So people should really just stop comparing. Nursing may be the last resort but not everyone can be a nurse. Its more than just cleaning ass or shower. We become your love ones advocate when drs are doing something that is not in your love ones wish. We are there around the clock as compared to drs. So if you complained there isn’t much nurses here locally, why not you ask how the society view us in the first place?
We are still as human as you. We have a brain and a heart too. Just that other non-nursing personnels were gifted with extra IQ to perform. Without us, you won’t have a complete healthcare system either. Just remember, the grades/certificate/status you have won’t be brought to grave when you die. Eventually, the grave of a high IQ will be the same like a low IQ person.
I don’t know what i actually want to say as a blog takeaway message but i just wish humans to be kinder with each other because we are seriously on the same level undergoing a life cycle which the same end goal is death (sound so pessmistic eh but correct what right? Its the reality) So why be evil when we should do good right?
**if anybody got hurt in the process, or feel affected, i hope you will be kinder to the next human you speak to okay? Hehe. Anway, its my blog space…
Lots of love,
Cranky post-pm shift lady