Thoughts & Emotions 

I have been coming across too many posts of people losing their partner few months after their wedding bells. To see them trying to pull through each day with so much strength by holding on to the hope of reuniting with their other half in Jannah just breaks my heart more. I cried badly reading their posts especially when this dear self came across this post whereby her late husband pass has the same working pass as Mr Fiance. I kept breaking down all alone because of that. The thought of losing my other half is just beyond words. Yes, i have ego and i always tell myself that this world is a temporary place. Therefore, i should not get attached to things or people too easily. But who am i even kidding? I am very much attached to my Fiance even when i deny it every single time. Too egoistic girl, you should seriously tone down. Knowing how vulnerable i am these days, Mr Fiance have always been here by my side through any means that he can. Even if it means accompanying me through the phone crying till i fall asleep. 

As the big day draws nearer, i can’t stop worrying about Mr and i can’t stop breaking down on the thought on how am i going to be strong if he ever leave me alone to go through each day with just the memories that we build. It all starts with news of friends breaking engagement and  then, stories or post of people losing their partners. I got affected real bad because i know my weakness. My weakness is when i love someone, i start to love hard and when they are gone, i feel a part of me gone with them. Its wrong for me to be like that but its just how i react as a human. 

Times like this, i do hope i will be the one leaving first before him. But at the same time, i couldn’t bear the thoughts of seeing him all alone and in sadness without me by his side like how i have always been there for him to make his day from blue to sunny. 

Whatever it is, this is reality of life. I pray that whatever tests or obstacles that Allah swt is going to let me through in the future, i am all ready for it. I am going to appreciate my Fiance even more. Because all these are bound to be a lesson for me. As much as we are very happy and in love, i know i can make him even happier than now, fill with love and laughter. 

I guess its just the time of the month with the hormones and wrecking emotions. 

May Allah swt protect my Fiance like how i always pray Allah swt will protect my other love ones.


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