I cannot see myself not doing anything since the date is drawing nearer especially when i have made a point to Mr that we won’t meet anymore from February 11 next year. That means the last one month should not have much preparation that need to be done, other than to mentally and emotionally preparing ourselves that we going to have a bigger commitment and responsibility ahead. But who am i even kidding? For sure, we need to do some bridal fitting a week before the big day but we are going to do it separately. Moreover, he going to be busy with work but since he recently passed his bike license and getting his second lover/Fiancee (sport bike), i have no worries about him getting his final fitting done a week before the big day. However, still worry because it is a bike, who am i even kidding? I must also make sure that i don’t update him my location around the neighbourhood just so that he won’t appear in front of me or stalk me before the big day. I should consider running home (or cover myself like a mummy) whenever i am around the home district because we staying too close already. Especially when we can bumped into each other at times without planning. Imagining it made me laugh to myself.
To the man who I hardly say the three words and to the man that i always apologise for being a hard lover and sucker at love. I don’t need to say the magical words but just so you know, i will always catch a glimpse of you whenever you are not looking at me because that’s when i realised how blessed i am to meet a man like you who was very confident and persistent on making me his wife right from the start despite me being in a big messed and despite the fact that i only see you as a friend and just that. For being a man and sharing your intention to my mother, my only best friend, on how serious you were about her daughter when she was lying on the hospital bed but i stubbornly refused to open my heart still. Ever since i was badly hurt in my previous relationship, i always believe in love after marriage and as much as i do love you, it can never beat the love you have for me. I will never forget how i raised my hand during marriage course in regards to your current love tank and i was the only girl who had her range less than the other ladies. So what is the definition of love actually? I can never find the definition right up till today because i believe its very subjective but this is for you, my dearest whom i hardly be sweet with.
Until our big day arrives, I will keep on praying for your safety and the protection of our relationship against evil eye. I will keep on praying that indeed its me that will complete half of your deen. Till then, i will keep on praying you are the right man who is worth my never-ending love and sacrifice that i have always imagine doing so after being a wife. I will always pray that i will shower you with endless happiness after being your wife to make up for all the loss and hurt during this friend-dating-engagement phase because my fears stop me, my fears stop me from loving you too much like others. I am waiting patiently for the future because good things are worth the wait and creating new memories with you as husband and wife stands you out from my past. You truly deserve all that from a lady that once know how to love so much and love to date but for now, we shall wait and keep on praying for us.
114 days more Mr! In shaa Allah, you will be the Imam/man that i have always pray for ever since i lost myself.
I wanted to update about wedding but it became otherwise.
Lots of love,