Work has not been good the past few days and especially yesterday. I don’t know how i survived morning shifts with myself as the in charge and another staff with alot of bed sponging, assisted shower and of course, two tube feeding. Not to forget, no pantry. To serve the diets on your own. I did two sponging alone and it breaks my back. It made me so demoralise and not motivated to even go to work especially with supervisors that scolds you more than help you.
So yesterday i had three major blows at work, two was supervisor-related and the other was colleague-related. First, the supervisor told us off on why an in charge was doing this skill when its suppose to be a junior job. I got so mad till i said my point of view bluntly. Sometimes i don’t know if they even realise how we work on the ground and if they ever care about our welfare. Second blow, i had many critical ill patients and being the only in charge, i would rather fasten up my work speed but this person decided to comment, ‘i dislike working with kanchiong spider people’ but that person did not even help to take vitals nor even key in the system. Stood at the trolley holding some book instead of helping my another junior changing another patient alone while i was changing another patient separately. Thanks ah! I kept shut because you are older than me. The person commented we were too fast, but what if i said, ‘you are actually the slow one?’ Of course i didn’t and my other colleagues have issues with this person anyway.
Third last major blow… My supervisor came up forcing me to go for the ward chalet when i don’t even want to go. Making decision for me. Then came up to me telling me i am rotated to another cubicle. I wasn’t ready for it because i have always thought it will be early next year. (Read) If you ask me what is one of my weakness? I will honestly say, ADAPTING TO CHANGES. I am a sucker for it. I took months to adapt to new changes. When i started work, i took 3 months plus before i start to settle in and go back to my usual self. Now a new change means i am going to be on the lowest point of myself again.
I end up in a waterfall state infront of my mother and Fiance. My mother told me, ‘you can do it. Its just you are bad with changes, thats all’ while Mr Fiance was worried for me who was unhappy. I told both of them that if i am not happy with the change at work, and if my bond happen to end during my wedding period plus minus, i might consider R. They didn’t stop me though as much as i need reality check on how much i need money for my future use. Maybe for now, i am following my emotions so much which explains everything. I know sooner or later i will reach a decision, a rationale decision. But anyway, R was part of my plan but wasn’t planning anytime next year but the year after but Allah swt knows best. I know there is a reason behind this and i’ll see the light soon. Eventually i will be thankful for it.
All i need is to be positive and stop worrying and overwhelming myself with many fears. Another weakness. Prrft